​“Is that a violin?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Oh, that’s so cool! Are you still in school?”
“No, I’m a professional musician.”
“Can you actually make a living doing that?”
“Yes. I play in a professional string quartet, a professional orchestra, and I teach.”
“Oh, you teach…” [sigh of disappointment]

The above conversation is typical of many that I’ve had with strangers, simply because I happen to have my violin with me. Now, I love violin. I love what I do. And I love to talk (and, obviously, write) about it. But, I’m not always in a mood to discuss work, or whether or not I’m making a living if I’m, say, in the grocery store, or at a train station, or walking down the street.

I know that many people aren’t used to talking to musicians, so I try to be kind - I know that most people really do mean well and are genuinely curious, though perhaps they don't go about it in the best way. Despite how well-meaning someone is, as a friend of mine says, "Communication is the message received." 

 I offer, therefore, some suggestions and guidelines for talking to that person you see with an instrument case.

1.  It is never okay to talk to someone - especially someone you have just met, or who you don’t know well - about how much money they make. It’s also not okay to make assumptions about how much they make based on the age they appear, how they’re dressing, or if they have an instrument case. So, don’t. Don’t ask them if they’re making a living. Don’t ask them how they make money. Don’t ask them IF they make money. (If you’re genuinely concerned and want to help this person, see my tips for how to financially support musicians in Part 1).

2. Here are some good questions you can ask to learn more about a musician to start a good conversation (that doesn't even obliquely reference how they make money).

• What kind of music do you play?
• Are you working on any cool projects right now?
• What kind of music do you like to listen to?
• What’s your favorite performance you’ve ever done?
• How can I learn more about what you do?

3.  Please don’t be disappointed or assume that we’re not good musicians/performers if we tell you that we teach. First, just about every musician teaches in some capacity. We love what we do and believe it has an amazing effect on our world - and we want to pass that on to the next generation! Second, it can be harder to teach Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star to a class of four-year-olds than to play the Brahms Violin Concerto. Trust me, I’ve done both.

4. If we ask you questions about you, please tell us about you and your life/work! At least for me, I love hearing how people live their lives, and having a two-way conversation makes me feel like we’re doing just that - having a conversation. Sometimes, when people ask me rapid fire questions about what I do and if I make money at it, I feel like I’m at a job interview, or like people are more interested in me as That Different Freakish Musician, not a human being like they are.

Thanks for reading this! I hope some of my ideas were helpful, and I hope you’ll find ways to support the arts in whatever ways seem right for you.

Right after I graduated from music school, I noticed a shift in the conversations I was having with people. When asked what I do, I used to say, "I'm a master's student at the Peabody Conservatory." Which, you know, is very prestigious, and people were always suitably impressed when I gave that answer. Five years ago, overnight, instead of being a graduate student at a great school, I became that cliche of cliches: an unemployed free-lance musician. In the Washington, DC area, where a favorite opening line at social events is, "So, what do you do?", this wasn't as well-received.

In the last five years, I've had countless conversations with strangers who have noticed my violin case and whose curiosity has led them to ask what I play, and what I do. This is all fine. But then for some reason, an astonishing number of people decided that it was perfectly appropriate to comment on whether or not it's possible to make a living as a musician. I've gotten this from strangers in train stations, checkers at the grocery store, and even very well-meaning fellow parishioners at my church who seemed very concerned about the feasibility of my succeeding as a professional musician. 

Here's the thing, and I feel like this goes for any fellow human you meet: It's really rude to ask people how much money they make. It's also rude to make assumptions about someone's state of employment based on their appearance - their age, what they're wearing, or if they have an instrument on their back. It is never okay to ask someone if they're making a living doing the job that they've just told you they do (or that you've just seen them do).

Being a musician is a real job. We provide services (our performances, our playing, our teaching, our time), and for these we are paid. It's basic economics. Now, since most of us are hired on a contract basis or work as entrepreneurs, we tend to lack things like employer-provided health insurance, sick days, parental leave, etc, but still. Our work is real work. 

(Side note: I am not disputing that it is, in fact, incredibly challenging to make a living as a professional musician. It takes a lot of long hours of preparation, and a lot of work, and if one wants to make enough money to pay rent and other bills - don't get me started on student loans! - the concept of work-life balance basically gets thrown out the window. I know exactly how hard it is to be a professional musician. I just think that when I'm making small talk with strangers, I shouldn't constantly be questioned about it or have people make judgements about me when they don't know me).

If you're one of the millions of lovely people in the world who love music, who love the people who make and teach music, and who want to support us musicians in what we do, here's a practical list of actions and ways that you can directly help musicians - in the financial sense. 

1. Go to a live concert. We need audiences. Even more, we need audiences who buy tickets. Also, attending a live concert is an incredibly special and wonderful experience. I think being a professional musician has made me appreciate being in the audience even more. Shut down your screens for an evening, turn off your work brain, and come let an artist take you into their world for a couple hours. 

2. Buy a music album. There are more streaming services than ever, many of them free. If you want to support musicians, buy an album. The high level of skill it took to create the music on it, the cost and maintenance of the instruments they're performing on, not to mention the skill and equipment of the audio engineers needed to record and mix the album - this all cost money, much more than the $9.99 it's tempting to avoid paying on iTunes because you can stream it on YouTube for free. 

3. Become a regular contributor to the arts organizations in your community, such as performing arts centers, community music schools, the arts programs in your public schools, or PBS. These organizations run on generous community donations. They want to provide you with great arts experiences - which all cost money to do. 

(If you'd like to support two organizations that would directly impact me, I'd recommend making donations to Mason Community Arts Academy or the Tyson-McLean Orchestra!)

4. Seek out and listen to local artists. If there's a cool live band playing in the bar you and your friends go to, pick up their card, find their website, and buy an album. If you love the singer/songwriter playing in your favorite coffee shop, make sure to leave them a tip - and again, go find them on the web and support them!

5. Always pay an artist's full performance fee when hiring them for your event. Ask them what their rate is, up front, and then sign the contract, abide by the contract, and pay them on time. Related: Never ask your friends/family to play for your wedding for free. If you love their music THAT much, hopefully you love them enough to pay them their full fee. Now, it's always a nice gesture if your friend/relative says, "I couldn't possibly take your money - please, accept my music as your wedding gift" - but don't assume that they will play for free. Also, they might just want to celebrate you - and not spend the party doing what they do for work.

Stay tuned for Parts 2 and 3 of this new blog series, which will talk about ways to support musicians besides giving money, and suggestions for how to engage musicians in conversation without sounding like you're asking for their resume.